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From The Adventures of Mark Twain. This cartoon bewildered me as a child:

Hey, check out my awesome Sis on a MyFox Los Angeles Webchat. I would NOT be able to manage to stay interesting for so long while just improvising. I don’t know how she does it!

It’s… al… most… here……….

Why exactly is Bush, and all of those wieners in Congress, against human cloning? I believe it must be one of, or a combination of, two things:

A. They want to pretend that only Jesus makes the babies, not scientists, even though this will obviously be possible soon.

B. They fear an impending human vs clones war during which superior clones of the members of Congress will secretly kill their original selves and enact pro-cloning legislature which will lead to Universal Health Care.

Is there another reason to be against human cloning? Well, aside from the inevitable mutant freak babies that will result during trials…

On Monday I had a veritable tour of Brooklyn. Having no car of my own and an MTA month-pass burning a hole in my pocket I decided to take care of some errands via the NYC bus lines. I began in Kensington (South Brooklyn), went up to Prospect Heights (a yuppie section southeast of downtown) and around to Carnarsie (a middle class, heavily black neighborhood). The whole trip took me about 5 hours (!) but it was a great opportunity to see some of the parts of Brooklyn I had only seen on maps (or on the 6 o’clock news).

One of the most interesting things: Obama posters all over the black neighborhoods. It is funny how often people expect minorities, from blacks to latinos to women, to mindlessly adhere to candidates of their specific minority, but this primary season has shown people of all types being conspicuously careful of this. This is especially true of the Obama campaign, where we have seen polls of black people steadily inching upwards. They are, in effect, making Obama earn their vote.

Most enlightening was the part of my trip from Prospect Heights to East New York (a heavily black, high-crime area). I traveled on foot from Vanderbilt, a typical gentrified neighborhood filled with coffee shops and fair trade bakeries, most with posters and stickers on their windows announcing the latest in greenwash, anti-globalization messages, and dull Bush-hating snark. I walked several blocks to the east for my transfer and, as is common in Brooklyn, found myself in a completely different neighborhood: diners, soul food restaurants, produce markets. And of course the populus went from snappily-dressed 20/30-somethings to normal, residential black people of all ages. I instantly felt more comfortable. Ha!

It was surprising and enlightening to find that on many store-fronts, there were posters of Obama. I am not just talking about the official big blue O poster/sticker. There were homemade posters, printed photos of Obama, and posters taken from events where he spoke. It was pretty cool. From there until Canarsie, traveling through what is likely the largest population of African-Americans in the country, I saw Obama’s face over and over. Now, I’m not saying it was on every store-front, but seriously, on the window of almost every shop that had any sort of community aspect: barber shops, restaurants, nail salons, there was something to do with Obama.

There has been much speculation as to whether Obama might win NYC, even though he is expected to lost the state of New York on Super Tuesday. If Brooklyn has any say, he will.

Although, what was most surprising to me on my little East Brooklyn tour was that those “bad neighborhoods”, the ones we hear about on the news, the ones we are told to stay away from, are actually not that bad. They are something like 95 percent black, but I didn’t feel unsafe and I wasn’t treated any differently than I would have been if I were on a bus in Park Slope or Manhattan. For about 3 hours of my travel I was the only white person around and it didn’t really matter. I felt totally comfortable. Most of these neighborhoods are just full of working people doing their thing, I see way more thugs and gang members in Manhattan. The only time I was sketched out was when night fell and I was walking a mile, on foot, in Brownsville, carrying an 88 key MIDI controller on my shoulder. But whatever, I would have been worried in Midtown. Nobody fucks with my gear.

This is pretty interesting for anyone who travels a lot. Apparently, if your flight is delayed for a reason other than weather many airlines, especially the old ones, have it in their policy to book you on the next available flight, even if it is with another airline. All you have to do is ask.

-via mental_floss

So, it’s that time again. The Oscars nominations came out last week and it’s always a mad scramble to see, not what great movies were nominated, but what great movies were not. Most shocking of all is that Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead was completely overlooked. Wtf. Juno made the Best Picture list, which doesn’t exactly infuriate me, but if you watch the two side to side, there is no comparison. Juno was cute, Ellen Page was charismatic, but come on. Yeah, yeah, bla bla travesty and all that. I’m used to it.

Here are my predictions:

Best Actor – Johnny Depp

Possibly Daniel-Day Lewis, but I think Depp will get it for his duel task of singing and acting. Viggo Mortensen was pretty incredible in Eastern Promises but he won’t get it because I think the Academy secretly hates David Cronenberg.

Supporting Actor – Tom Wilkinson

I think they will want to credit Michael Clayton in some way, but without giving it the Best Picture or Best Actor award. They won’t want to appear to be beholden to George Clooney.

Actress – Laura Linney

She’s done her time and apparently it is a good movie. They’ll possibly give it to Ellen Page since they will most likely not give Juno the Best Picture award, and The Academy likes to appear hip to the “indie” scene by awarding safe Quirky Indie Movies (QIMs). Also, they love giving awards to children.

Supporting Actress – Cate Blanchett

She is double nominated, which is usually a clincher, but the Academy really loves when actors play parts that are role-reversals. For example: when pretty girls make themselves ugly, thin men make themselves fat, or now, when they play other genders. They also love the biopics, which is why her leading role in Elizabeth: The Golden Age will serve to help her out in the supporting category.

Best Picture – Atonement

Atonement is the safe bet, which is usually how the Academy votes. It’s a genuinely good movie that is non-threatening and has the whole Merchant-Ivory vibe without being Merchant-Ivory. They might give it to There Will Be Blood, if they are having a guilt trip about being such conservative hacks, but I doubt it. They almost always go with the safe choice.

I never really thought much about the inspirational comic strip Love is… until, while I was living in London a few years back, they utilized the characters to try and help enforce the rules of the Tube. I remember being really creeped out by the campaign. Here were a bunch of happy little cartoon love babies (or something), who seemed the archetype for trite romantic optimism, now being shown in various states of annoyance at other happy little cartoon love babies’ ineptness at following the etiquette rules of the state.

Very strange.

In case you are unfamiliar, here are some typical Love is… cartoons/messages:

Harmless, vaguely uplifting or nauseating, depending on your level of cynicism.
Mine of course is rather high.

Now, here are some of the cartoons used in the Tube campaign, thanks to Flickr user Maurizio Pillitu, who posted many of these:

… standing to the right of the escalator.

… not dropping litter.

… not eating smelly food.

… letting people off first.

Doesn’t that kinda creep you out a bit? I mean, I don’t think I had ever seen these cartoon love babies ever unhappy, let alone pissed off. Are we to assume that the cartoon love babies are at peace with the world through their mediocre expressions of love, yet the one thing that can vault them from their vapid bliss is another cartoon love baby eating a sandwich?

I’m sorry, but if I’m hungry and I gotta get somewhere, I’m eating my Subway Club with extra black olives, and no bad-vibin’ love baby is gonna peer-pressure me into waiting. Besides, that six-inch miracle is going to sustain me in ways that their dull expressions of love never could.

So this brings us to now. While doing some research into clichéd inspirationalism, which is often my wont, I came across the Love is… archive. I casually looked through the strips for some strange or odd expressions of what “Love is…” and I came across a surprising amount of environmental propaganda.

Now, while I generally agree with the environmental movement, the recent global warming scare is definitely a cause célébre. I don’t refute global warming but it has become an article of faith, something that is not to be questioned. Whenever anything reaches this point, it must be scrutinized.

It would be one thing if it was Love is… caring for your environment; or Love is… planting a tree; but check some of this shit out:

Ick. I think it’s tacky. Ok, so it’s not ELF, but it gives me the same feeling as the Tube posters. It feels maternal, the Tube posters and these “eco-friendly” ones are both telling you how to live, as if it is a responsibility to shop at Fair Trade stores and drive wind buggies instead of 4x4s, matters that are debatable in their effectiveness.

While I agree that Fair Trade is, for the most part, a good thing, there are significant debates about whether much of it is doing more harm than good. As far as the SUV debate goes, it is pure bullshit. Sorry. SUVs aren’t making the environment worse, vehicles are making the environment worse. People are making the environment worse. Getting a hybrid or a, what was it, wind buggy will never offset the millions of your neighbors who drive normal, gas-guzzling cars.

If one person is going to make a difference, it’s going to be the badass scientist that figures out some way to get us out of this mess. I mean, we’re getting super-vision!! They gotta be inventing a massive carbon dioxide vacuum or some shit.

To be honest though, I’m kind of a nihilist about the matter. Love is… propaganda bothers me more than the possibly impending apocalypse. Maybe we are fucked. But maybe we should spend our last remaining days on earth appreciating the good things in life, rather than judging our neighbors for not buying Fair Trade or for driving SUVs.

I try to live like that in life, like the world could explode at any moment, but goddamn my non-fair trade Subway Club, my jalapeno kettle-cooked Lays, and my medium cherry coke tastes like it was prepared by Jesus himself.

Then I don’t care so much about how other people should live their life.

Ya know what? Maybe Love is… ain’t actually so bad. I mean it’s a bunch of narrow-minded hogcrap scrawling its soul-obliteratingly mundane message to people who need their daily dose of banality along with their fair trade hazel-nut coffee and kale-flavored soy eggs, but, ya know, maybe it ain’t so bad.

I mean, it featured this surprisingly suggestive strip:

I just check out the new New Amsterdam Records website. I must say I am very impressed. The new label is pretty great and several of my friends have albums on it. What is very remarkable is the budding Community aspect. You can set up a profile, much like Myspace (except without the lame 6 song limit), and list your projects/bands/etc. It’s actually pretty great. This is a remarkable time for new “indie classical” music in NYC and it is nice to see some creative people taking advantage of it.

I started profiles for myself and for my new project, The Little Death:

Matt Marks

The Little Death – A Christian Nihilist Pop Musical

Give it a look, you should see some familiar names.

Very sad news. One of my favorite writers, J.G. Ballard, has advanced prostate cancer. He has a autobiography coming soon, which I suppose is a bit of good news. His first memoir was Empire of the Sun, which was made into a movie by Spielberg. I am forever indebted to Ballard for my experiences reading Crash and The Atrocity Exhibition, two extremely shocking and beautiful books. He has always seemed a very intelligent and sensible person, who is nonetheless unafraid of writing extremely provocative and controversial works. I’ve been waiting to start another Ballard novel, maybe now is the time.

Here’s a treat:

“If every member of the human race were to vanish overnight, I think it would be possible to reconstitute almost every element of human psychology from the design of a vehicle…”