Headphone Splitter – Chapter One: The Marine Park Salt Marsh

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I’m performing the first chapter in what I aim to be my next pop-opera, HEADPHONE SPLITTER, tonight and tomorrow (7:30pm!) at Spectrum. It’s a crazy big project for me and these shows will be acting as a sort of first workshop for the piece as a whole. In the spirit of putting it all out there, I thought I’d post the lyrics/libretto for the first chapter.

Here’s a recording of the first few minutes if you wanna follow along:

Headphone Splitter – Chapter One: The Marine Park Salt Marsh

It’s a bright summer Saturday in Brooklyn.
She said, “Let’s get on a bus and ride in the opposite direction of Manhattan.”
And I said, “Baby, all I wanna do is chill with you, lie back and listen to some Peter Cetera.
Baby, can’t we have a lazy day? Lyin’ on my couch, listenin’ to my stereo play?”
And then I heard her say,
“Maybe we could use my headphone splitter, sit close and listen to some early Bette Midler.
Movin’ to the rhythm on my phone.
Chillin’ on the bus, ridin’ all the way across town.
Chillin’ on the bus, ridin’ all the way across town.”
And I was like, “How do we get there?”‘
And she was all,
“We, we, we, we can take the B41, B41, the B41 down Flatbush.
the B41, B41, the B41 down Flatbush.”
“And so where will that take us?
Girl, where will that take us to?”
“The Marine Park Salt Marsh!”

“FUCK. That’s a great idea, Babe!
I say let’s get on that bus and drive down, down to the Salt Marsh
I never been there.
And you know, I bet they got some killer bird-watching.
And that’s some shit I been meaning to get into.
So let’s go.
So let’s go.
So let’s go.
So let’s go.

Baby, it’s so nice to get up out this house.
I know you can’t take any more nights of watching scary movies on Netflix.
Let’s bus it all the way to Avenue U.
Girl, sittin’ next to you, nothing in the world I’d rather do.
Let’s get a seat for two.
Baby, go on pull out your headphone splitter.
Sit close, we’ll listen to the soundtrack of Glitter.
Movin’ to the sounds of Mariah.
Chillin on the bus, riding all the way across town.
Chillin on the bus, riding all the way across town.
And oh my God, what do we see there?
We’re at the park. Let’s, let’s, le-let’s get off the B41, B41, the B41 on Flatbush.
The B41, B41, the B41 down Flatbush.

Look at all that cool shit to do. I’m so glad I’m doing it with you.
Look at all that cool shit to do. I’m so glad I’m doing it with you.

Let’s grab an ice cream cone and walk around the grounds a little.
Let’s stop and watch those little leaguers play, while their parents whistle.
Oh, damn! They’ve got a nature center in this crazy park!
That sucks, they’re closed but you can see stuffed creatures inside in the dark!

Over there, there’s a little telescope on the wall.
It must be there for bird-watching.
You gotta quarter?
I wanna see some crazy birds up in this bitch.
Give me a quarter.
Oh damn, I see a Purple Finch.
Another quarter.
Oh look I see some Slapper Rails!
Just one more quarter!
And a Black Crowned Night Heron
I’m fuckin’ bird-watching!
Bird-watching!

Next, we walked down a trail towards the water.
On the shore there were tiny crabs digging in and out the sand bar.
Two people in a kayak, paddling out in the sunset.
Next time we’ll bring a kayak to maximize our Salt Marsh experience.

Yes, it’s getting late, I know.
Just a little more bird-watching, please?
Thanks babe. Just one minute more.

Babe, do you have any quarters left?
Oh. Just one left?
Shit.

Let’s see what I can see with this last view, a night owl!
Let’s see what I can see beyond those reeds, huh! a young woman walking through the marshy water
maybe a fellow birding geekazoid like me, and she’s wearing headphones,
that’s not a bad idea when your getting your bird on
the only problem is she can’t hear her boyfriend approaching her behind her
wait, why would her boyfriend carry an axe?
Fuck, i don’t think that’s her boyfriend..
Wait, is he lifting his axe, oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT. Holy fuck. Holy fuuuuuuuuck.

And my Baby was like, “What? Did your quarter run out?”
And I was all, “No. Uh. Yeah. I guess. I just saw a girl get axed in her head, I think. I mean, yeah. I mean, I just saw a girl get axed in her head, I think. I was pretty far away, but I’m pretty sure I saw it. Wanna take a look?”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Matt?
What the fuck are you talking about, Matt?
And I don’t have any quarters left, remember?
Should we call the cops?”
“Yeah! Wait.. I didn’t bring my phone, remember?”
“And mine is dead from all the music, remember?”
“Shit.”
“Fuck.”
“Shit.”
“Fuck.”
“Shit.”
“Fuck.”
“Let’s find a pay phone!”
“Do they still make pay phones?”
“I think. But we need a quarter. Shit, we need a quarter! Let’s ask that shirtless asian runner guy.
Excuse me. Sir! You got a quarter?
I just saw a lady get axed right in her head. Yes! I’m serious!
I just need a quarter to call the police. I’m not a pan-handler!
Fuck it. Ma’am! Have you got a quarter??
I gotta save a young girl’s life, you see. Why doesn’t anyone believe me??
And baby said, “Matt, it was probably a couple of kids fucking around.”
“I don’t think it is, Babe. But if was really far away…
Ohhhh…. FUCK. What do we do? What do we do?
I’m gonna go out on the salt marsh and try and find her body”
“Bitch you ain’t going anywhere, it’s almost dark and I ain’t lettin’ your dumbass drown!
I think you imagined it, Matt.
I think you imagined it, Matt.
I think you imagined it, Matt.”
“Fuck, maybe I imagined it, Baby…
Maybe I imagined it, Baby…
Maybe I imagined it, Baby…”
“We’ll call the cops when we get home and no more horror movies for a while, Matt.
We’ll call the cops when we get home and no more horror movies for a while, Matt.
We’ll call the cops when we get home and no more horror movies for a while, Matt.
We’ll call the cops when we get home and no more horror movies for a while, Matt.
We’ll call the cops when we get home and no more horror movies for a while, Matt.”

Here’s the info for the shows this weekend:

Karaoke Night @ Spectrum

121 Ludlow St. NY, NY (Near the B,D,F,J,M,Z,6)

Saturday 12/7, 7:30pm

AND Sunday 12/8, 7:30pm

ONLY $10!

FB Event: https://www.facebook.com/events/656562444363821/

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