I was just walking out of Starbucks, the Barnes and Noble one in Park Slope, when I saw a magazine (People?) with the Sexiest Man Alive on it. It was Matt Damon.
Ok, I was wondering. The last Sexiest Man Alive I remember there being was Matthew McConaughey, who knows what year that was. The thing is, he’s still alive. I mean, I think he is. He died a hilarious Stewie-related death on Family Guy, but I’m pretty sure that was just fictional (Chris! Help me get rid of this thing!).
Are they saying that the former Matthew is now past his prime? He was fated to be replaced by a sexier, more youthful Matt? I noticed that the Sexiest Men Alive also tend to be in their forties. Does that mean when I’m a creaky, viagra-huffing, metimucil-spooner I’ll be seen as Sexier? Perhaps the next variation on the reign of Matthews is the sleeker, redesigned Mafoo, due out in 2026!
PS sharing the Sexy magazine cover is the enigmatically-proclaimed “hottie”, Patrick Dempsey (who may have also been a SMA). I’ve heard accolades to his Sexiness from countless women (including my own girlfriend!). Sorry ladies, that dude straight looks like a weasel. I don’t care how alluring he might appear backed by warm lighting and a James Blunt soundtrack on Grey’s-fucking-Anatomy, he’s still that geeky guy from Can’t Buy Me Love, no matter how much hair-product he currently employs.